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标题:
[原创] 七律 他乡七夕
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作者:
古邻游士
时间:
2010-8-15 09:48
标题:
[原创] 七律 他乡七夕
<p> <font size="4"> <font face="Verdana">他乡七夕</font></font></p>
<p> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New"><font size="4">牛女年年七夕筹，良宵一夜乐悠悠。</font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New"><font size="4">纵情喜鹊人间和，戏水鸳鸯日月求。</font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New"><font size="4">春去秋来听鹊渡，鸾歌凤舞拨轻舟。</font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New"><font size="4">坐观明月遥西坠，怎奈归期又一秋。</font></span></p>
[此贴子已经被作者于2010-8-15 9:51:14编辑过]
作者:
潇潇一剑
时间:
2010-8-16 16:49
<p><font size=\"4\">起句自然，“良宵一夜乐悠悠”过于口语化了。</font></p>
<p><font size=\"4\">“<span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??><font size=\"4\">纵情喜鹊人间和，戏水鸳鸯日月求”，造句显生涩，“人间和，日月求”，对仗亦不工。</font></span></font></p>
<p><font size=\"4\"><span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??><span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??><font size=\"4\">“春去秋来听鹊渡，鸾歌凤舞拨轻舟”，“鹊渡”对“轻舟”不工，“鹊”字重复。</font></span></span></font></p>
<p><font size=\"4\"><span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??><span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??><span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??><font size=\"4\">“坐观明月遥西坠，怎奈归期又一秋”，结好！“月”又重字。</font></span></span></span></font></p>
<p><font size=\"4\"><span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??><span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??><span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??>问好楼主！</span></span></span></font></p>
作者:
白雪仙子
时间:
2010-8-16 20:05
一剑版好评，学习！
作者:
古邻游士
时间:
2010-8-19 14:05
标题:
谢谢
多谢先生不吝赐教，受益！
作者:
古邻游士
时间:
2010-8-19 14:06
标题:
谢谢
谢谢仙子！
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