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标题: （原创）七律【咏菊】（平水韵十一真）（飘红） [打印本页]
作者: 柳浪闻莺 时间: 2010-11-27 13:30
标题: （原创）七律【咏菊】（平水韵十一真）（飘红）
（原创）七律【咏菊】（平水韵十一真）
<p style="TEXT-INDENT: 7pt; mso-char-indent-count: .5"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" roman?? new="new" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: roman?; new?><font color="#2947fd"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 文编/闻英</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5"><font color="#2947fd"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" roman?? new="new" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: roman?; new?><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" roman?? new="new" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: roman?; new?>楚女蛮腰越女身，<span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0.5pt">慵</span>妆鬓乱更<span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0.5pt">撩人</span>。</span></span></font></p>
<p style="TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" roman?? new="new" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: roman?; new?>横波一笑蜂酥骨，敛黛三嘘蝶失神。</span></p>
<p style="TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" roman?? new="new" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: roman?; new?>不与春风攀盛世，偏随秋雨下红尘。</span></p>
<p style="TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" roman?? new="new" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: roman?; new?>请君试眺南山坞，燕去长安我避秦。</span></p>
<p style="BACKGROUND: white; WORD-BREAK: break-all; TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5"> <wbr></p>
<p style="BACKGROUND: white; WORD-BREAK: break-all; TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">欣然看客老师雅和：</span></p>
<p style="BACKGROUND: white; WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%"><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" XML
ANG="EN-US"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr></span></span> <span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">七律</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" XMLANG="EN-US">.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">和闻莺《咏菊》：</span></p>
<p style="BACKGROUND: white; WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%"><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" XMLANG="EN-US"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> <wbr> <wbr></span></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">傲对霜天自在身，乱妆仙子出凡尘。</span></p>
<p style="BACKGROUND: white; WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%"><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" XMLANG="EN-US"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> <wbr> <wbr></span></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">柔丝漫卷成清骨，香气沉浮忆洛神。</span></p>
<p style="BACKGROUND: white; WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%"><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" XMLANG="EN-US"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> <wbr> <wbr></span></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">桃李春风花溅泪，梧桐秋雨夜撩人。</span></p>
<p style="BACKGROUND: white; WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%"><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" XMLANG="EN-US"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> <wbr> <wbr></span></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">闻莺婉啭南山坞，燕去无踪说避秦。哈哈</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: navy; LINE-HEIGHT: 130%; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana" XMLANG="EN-US">!</span></p>
[此贴子已经被司马长风于2010-11-27 23:39:24编辑过]
作者: 司马长风 时间: 2010-11-27 23:36
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\"><font color=\"#800000\">楚女蛮腰越女身，慵妆鬓乱更撩人</font>---此咏菊未有之喻也，出新出彩。</font></p>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\"><font color=\"#800000\">横波一笑蜂酥骨，敛黛三嘘蝶失神</font>---刻画传神，对仗工稳。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">不与春风攀盛世，偏随秋雨下红尘</font>---此流水对，意佳。上句“盛世”二字不妥，且不确。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">请君试眺南山坞，燕去长安我避秦</font>---结有余味，化用典故甚佳。古人云：“菊，花之隐逸者也。”陶渊明独爱菊，“避秦”暗用其《桃花源记》之事，典中套典。</font></p>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">飘红，议精。<br/></font></p>
作者: 司马长风 时间: 2010-11-27 23:39
<font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">欣然看客之和了然无味，勉强为之，凑意凑韵。完全不知和诗之法，无足观。</font>
作者: 如琴可听 时间: 2010-11-29 15:31
学习、欣赏飘红佳作！问好
作者: 白雪仙子 时间: 2010-11-29 16:41
<p style=\"TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5\" align=\"left\"><font color=\"#2947fd\"><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new? roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times new=\"new\" roman??><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new? roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times new=\"new\" roman??>楚女蛮腰越女身，<span style=\"LETTER-SPACING: 0.5pt\">慵</span>妆鬓乱更<span style=\"LETTER-SPACING: 0.5pt\">撩人</span>。</span></span></font></p>
<p style=\"TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5\" align=\"left\"><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new? roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times new=\"new\" roman??>横波一笑蜂酥骨，敛黛三嘘蝶失神。-----这样写菊真是与众不同，</span></p>
作者: 秋叶红也 时间: 2010-11-29 21:02
欣赏飘红佳作
作者: 柳浪闻莺 时间: 2010-11-29 21:30
<div class=\"quote\"><b>以下是引用<i>司马长风</i>在2010-11-27 23:36:44的发言：</b><br/>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\"><font color=\"#800000\">楚女蛮腰越女身，慵妆鬓乱更撩人</font>---此咏菊未有之喻也，出新出彩。</font></p>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\"><font color=\"#800000\">横波一笑蜂酥骨，敛黛三嘘蝶失神</font>---刻画传神，对仗工稳。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">不与春风攀盛世，偏随秋雨下红尘</font>---此流水对，意佳。上句“盛世”二字不妥，且不确。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">请君试眺南山坞，燕去长安我避秦</font>---结有余味，化用典故甚佳。古人云：“菊，花之隐逸者也。”陶渊明独爱菊，“避秦”暗用其《桃花源记》之事，典中套典。</font></p>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">飘红，议精。</font></p>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">谢谢司马长风老师点评，通过阅读老师的点评文字，使我明确地知道了成功和败笔之处，这对我一个初学写近体诗的业余爱好者来说是及其珍贵的。更惊喜老师飘红鼓励，诚谢各位诗词前辈师长的厚爱，不妥之处容我再认真考虑修改。<br/></p></font></div>
<p></p>
作者: 柳浪闻莺 时间: 2010-11-29 21:33
<div class=\"quote\"><b>以下是引用<i>如琴可听</i>在2010-11-29 15:31:20的发言：</b><br/>学习、欣赏飘红佳作！问好 </div>
<p>谢谢如琴可听老师雅赏，问好！</p>
作者: 司马长风 时间: 2010-11-29 21:38
<div class=\"quote\"><b>以下是引用<i>柳浪闻莺</i>在2010-11-29 21:30:47的发言：</b></div>
<div class=\"quote\"><b><font color=\"#0000ff\">不妥之处容我再认真考虑修改</font></b><br/></div>
<p class=\"quote\"></p>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">请尽早修改，我正为刊物选稿之事发愁。</font></p>
作者: 司马长风 时间: 2010-11-29 21:44
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作者: 柳浪闻莺 时间: 2010-11-29 21:45
<div class=\"quote\"><b>以下是引用<i>白雪仙子</i>在2010-11-29 16:41:25的发言：</b><br/>
<p style=\"TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5\" align=\"left\"><font color=\"#2947fd\"><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"new\" mso-hansi-font-family: new? roman?; ?Times roman??><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"new\" mso-hansi-font-family: new? roman?; ?Times roman??>楚女蛮腰越女身，<span style=\"LETTER-SPACING: 0.5pt\">慵</span>妆鬓乱更<span style=\"LETTER-SPACING: 0.5pt\">撩人</span>。</span></span></font></p>
<p style=\"TEXT-INDENT: 63pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.5\" align=\"left\"><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"new\" mso-hansi-font-family: new? roman?; ?Times roman??>横波一笑蜂酥骨，敛黛三嘘蝶失神。-----这样写菊真是与众不同，</span></p></div>
<p>谢谢白雪仙子版主雅鉴，问好！仙子的诗写的更漂亮，呵呵，我已经偷偷收藏了很多篇，首首都令我爱不释手。真的很欣赏仙子的文笔。我有时暗想我啥时候能写出仙子那样的诗，我就满足了。我是真心话，我私下和诗友们也这么说。</p>
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