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标题: [原创]五律-山村-新韵 [打印本页]

作者: 山村水秀 时间: 2010-11-30 21:20
标题: [原创]五律-山村-新韵
<p><font size="5"></font> </p>
<p><font size="5">       <font face="黑体">    五律山村（新韵）</font></font></p>
<p><font face="黑体"></font> </p>
<p><strong><font face="黑体" size="5">       距市天涯远，山村有古风，</font></strong></p>
<p><strong><font face="黑体" size="5">       吟诗石板路，对话柳阴亭，</font></strong></p>
<p><strong><font face="黑体" size="5">       国事群舌议，奇言众口争，</font></strong></p>
<p><strong><font face="黑体" size="5">       生活非重要，巨细总关情。</font></strong></p>

作者: 司马长风 时间: 2010-11-30 22:25
<font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\"><font color=\"#800000\">距市天涯远，山村有古风</font>---上句可酌，本意为远离闹市，然“天涯”二字则嫌过之。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">吟诗石板路，对话柳阴亭</font>---此联佳。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">国事群舌议，奇言众口争</font>---此联稍合掌，“争”亦不甚确。此联似承四句“对话”之意，应转而言他，则可扩容。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">生活非重要，巨细总关情</font>---“非重要”何谓？此“生活”或为柴米油盐之事，岂能不重要，况且后复言“巨细总关情”，此“巨细”岂不包含生活之事？故上句宜再酌。<br/></font>

作者: 山村水秀 时间: 2010-11-30 23:41
<p><font size=\"4\">谢谢长风版主，评点极是。修改再发了。</font></p>
<p><strong></strong> </p>
<p><strong><font size=\"5\">          五律山村（新韵</font></strong></p>
<p><strong><font size=\"5\"></font></strong> </p>
<p><strong><font size=\"5\">       距市虽说远，山村有古风，</font></strong></p>
<p><strong><font size=\"5\">       吟诗石板路，对话柳荫亭，</font></strong></p>
<p><strong><font size=\"5\">       国事群舌议，闲言众口评，</font></strong></p>
<p><strong><font size=\"5\">       生活无巨细，大小总关情。</font></strong></p>

作者: 山村水秀 时间: 2010-12-6 13:18
<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\"><span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes\"> </p>
<div id=\"textstyle_2\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 9pt; OVERFLOW: hidden; WORD-BREAK: break-all; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; WORD-WRAP: break-word\"><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\"><font color=\"#800000\">距市天涯远，山村有古风</font>---上句可酌，本意为远离闹市，然“天涯”二字则嫌过之。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">吟诗石板路，对话柳阴亭</font>---此联佳。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">国事群舌议，奇言众口争</font>---此联稍合掌，“争”亦不甚确。此联似承四句“对话”之意，应转而言他，则可扩容。<br/><font color=\"#800000\">生活非重要，巨细总关情</font>---“非重要”何谓？此“生活”或为柴米油盐之事，岂能不重要，况且后复言“巨细总关情”，此“巨细”岂不包含生活之事？故上句宜再酌。<br/></font></div>
<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><font color=\"#ff0000\" size=\"4\"></font> </p>
<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><font color=\"#ff0000\" size=\"4\">谢谢长风版主点评，斟酌后再改</font></span></span></strong><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial\"></span></strong></p>
<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial\"></span></strong> </p>
<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial\"> 五律</span></strong><strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\"> </span></strong><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial\">山村</span></strong><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\"> </span></strong><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial\">（新韵）</span></strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = \"urn:schemas-microsoft-com

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<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\"> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\">       </span></strong><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial\">距市虽说远，山村有古风，</span></strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\">       </span></strong><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial\">吟诗石板路，对话柳荫亭，</span></strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\">       </span></strong><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial\">国事群舌议，邪言众口抨，</span></strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"WORD-BREAK: break-all; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-ALIGN: left\" align=\"left\"><strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\">       </span></strong><strong><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial\">生活无巨细，大小总关情。</span></strong><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #333333; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; FONT-FAMILY: Arial\"><o:p></o:p></span></p>

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