中华国风文学论坛
标题:
[原创]七律 咏秋四叹
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作者:
寒雨清秋
时间:
2009-10-16 01:08
标题:
[原创]七律 咏秋四叹
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<p align="center"><font face="黑体" color="#f70909" size="5"><strong>七律?咏秋四叹</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#2222dd" size="5"><strong></strong></font> </p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>天命已过枉自由，雁声叠起怕逢秋。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>远山脉脉思不断，近草凄凄恨未休。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>谱尽新词欢不见，追怀往事欲何求？</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>离鞍挂甲帐边立，一片丹心付水流。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font color="#0000ff"></font>
<p><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong> </strong></font></p>
<p><font color="#0000ff"></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>寂寞长空月映秋，星河不语向西流。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>枫枝鸦鹊声声烈，荷藕蟾蛙阵阵柔。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>赤胆悠悠铭骨上，愁肠寸寸系心头。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>有情终比无情苦，一曲悲歌和泪讴。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font color="#0000ff"></font>
<p><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong> </strong></font></p>
<p><font color="#0000ff"></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>当年策马戍边畴，热血如涛为国流。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>塞外挥刀劈恶鬼，南疆张弩射顽侯。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>学书灯下追陶李，孝母堂前做马牛。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>使命既完何足悔，还乡告老酒诗酬。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font color="#0000ff"></font>
<p><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong> </strong></font></p>
<p><font color="#0000ff"></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>曾抗风霜染绿洲，星移斗转岁逢秋。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>辞枝离柄笑交位，解甲收枪喜作休。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>退早退迟归故里，飘来飘去落根周。</strong></font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="楷体_GB2312" color="#0000ff" size="5"><strong>余生自有余生乐，诗酒作肴杯作舟。</strong></font></p></div>
作者:
张嗣唯
时间:
2009-10-16 11:07
<p>就诗而论：</p>
<p>用韵无考究，组诗无气脉， </p>
<p>多有凑韵之处，少空灵，多暮气，无好句，多累赘......</p>
作者:
四海一棋
时间:
2009-10-16 12:01
诗作写出了自己的亲身感受，即所谓诗言志也。不过在遣词对仗上还应该避免俗套与匠气。如：“<font face=\"楷体_GB2312\" color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"5\"><strong>远山</strong></font>，近草”等；雕琢痕迹明显点了，不自然。
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