中华国风文学论坛
标题:
（原创）七绝?《咏雪》
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作者:
柳浪闻莺
时间:
2009-12-8 02:49
标题:
（原创）七绝?《咏雪》
<p style="MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm" 0pt? 0cm="0cm" 0cm?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size:>（原创）七绝?《咏雪》</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt"></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm" 0pt? 0cm="0cm" 0cm?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size:>冷艳仙姿慑月华，银纱漫舞降千家。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt"></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm" 0pt? 0cm="0cm" 0cm?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size:>素娥自得英雄气，统领江山是雪花。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt"></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm" 0pt? 0cm="0cm" 0cm?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size:>注：《平水韵》〖下平〗【平】〖六麻〗</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p style="MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm" 0pt? 0cm="0cm" 0cm?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: new="new" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: roman?; new?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: new="new" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: roman?; new?>根据龙吟九宵老师点评意见，修改如下：</span></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm" 0pt? 0cm="0cm" 0cm?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: new="new" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: roman?; new?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: new="new" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: roman?; new?></span></span> </p>
<p style="MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm" 0pt? 0cm="0cm" 0cm?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: new="new" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: roman?; new?><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: new="new" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: roman?; new?>冷艳仙姿摄月华，轻纱漫舞降千家。</span></span></p>
<p><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: new="new" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: roman?; new?><span>素娥鬓带青皇气，敢笑春风乱护花。</span></span></p>
<p><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: new="new" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: roman?; new?><span></span></span> </p><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: new="new" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: roman?; new?><span>
<p style="OVERFLOW: hidden; WORD-WRAP: break-word"><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt"><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New">西亭老师润笔：</span></span></p>
<p style="OVERFLOW: hidden; WORD-WRAP: break-word"><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt"><span style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New"></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy">冷艳仙姿六出花，轻纱漫舞到千家。<br/> 谁人自恃凌寒气，统领江山笑月华。</span></span></p>
<p><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy"></span></span> </p>
<p><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt"><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: navy">呵呵，几天都进不了论坛，网页打不开啊，今天终于近来了。</p>
<p style="OVERFLOW: hidden; WORD-WRAP: break-word"><br/></p></span></span></span></span>
[此贴子已经被作者于2009-12-08 02:56:18编辑过]
作者:
云游
时间:
2009-12-8 09:09
<p>欣赏～</p>
<p>银纱漫舞降千家。降？</p>
作者:
四海一棋
时间:
2009-12-8 10:58
<p style=\"MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm\" 0cm? 0cm=\"0cm\" 0pt?><span style=\"COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt? New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times>“素娥自得英雄气，统领江山是雪花。”句子不错！</span></p>
<p style=\"MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm\" 0cm? 0cm=\"0cm\" 0pt?><span style=\"COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt? New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times>“是”可改为“尽”。后改句失去了原有的味道，流于平凡。</span></p>
作者:
霜凌
时间:
2009-12-8 20:45
<p>呵呵,一个人一个思路,俺偏爱原诗,</p>
<p style=\"MARGIN-TOP: 0cm; MARGIN-LEFT: 0cm; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0cm\" 0pt? 0cm=\"0cm\" 0cm?><span style=\"COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" 10.5pt? mso-bidi-font-size: Roman?; ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: New? new=\"New\">素娥自得英雄气，统领江山是雪花。<img src=\"images/post/smile/dvbbs/em218.gif\" /></span></p>
作者:
柳浪闻莺
时间:
2009-12-9 02:08
<p>谢谢四海老师，霜凌版主，云游朋友的点评，问好！</p>
作者:
又是秋色
时间:
2009-12-9 09:43
<p>个人也喜欢原结。统领江山不是花。个感隐了雪字也不错哈。</p>
作者:
柳浪闻莺
时间:
2009-12-10 03:19
谢谢又是秋色版主点评，问好！
作者:
青山依旧
时间:
2009-12-10 20:54
标题:
[转帖]优酷VS酷六，现实版倚天屠龙记
<p>也偏爱原作后两句，</p>
<p>另，降字可琢，落？</p>
作者:
司马长风
时间:
2009-12-11 20:52
就三稿来看，改作均不如原作，另，附议秋斑，结句以不出现雪字为好。
作者:
锄月花樵
时间:
2009-12-12 15:11
<div class=\"quote\"><b>以下是引用<i>又是秋色</i>在2009-12-09 09:43:03的发言：</b><br/>
<p>个人也喜欢原结。统领江山不是花。个感隐了雪字也不错哈。</p></div>
<p>附议，同感。</p>
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