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标题: 七律 检点诗囊又一年 [打印本页]
作者: 任雨读 时间: 2009-12-23 20:19
标题: 七律 检点诗囊又一年
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<p><font size="4">时光荏苒岁将凋,检点诗囊又一宵。</font></p>
<p><font size="4">长笑红尘多俗客,每于书舍著高标。</font></p>
<p><font size="4">行文尚缺青莲笔,感世空题尺素绡。</font></p>
<p><font size="4">暮往朝来空缱绻,恨无片字可传昭。</font></p>
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[此贴子已经被紫嫣郡主于2009-12-23 21:13:37编辑过]
作者: 天涯游子 时间: 2009-12-23 22:44
行文尚连贯,一宵者一夜也,此处似乎不当。第三句是一种坦荡情怀的写照,后转入了感叹遗憾,前后感情基调不是很一致,变化过于快。倒数二句本是点了朝暮这与长笑时间有重合之感。
作者: 任雨读 时间: 2009-12-23 23:14
<div class=\"quote\"><b>以下是引用<i>天涯游子</i>在2009-12-23 22:44:05的发言:</b><br/>行文尚连贯,一宵者一夜也,此处似乎不当。第三句是一种坦荡情怀的写照,后转入了感叹遗憾,前后感情基调不是很一致,变化过于快。倒数二句本是点了朝暮这与长笑时间有重合之感。 </div>
<p>问好斑竹!谢谢点评! </p>
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<p>这里的一宵也确实是指的一夜,题中的一年在首句中已经表现了出来了,<span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New=\"New\" Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New=\"New\" Roman\'; mso-bidi-font-family: \'Times New=\"New\" Roman\'; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA\">岁将凋</span>,一年要过去了,所以来检点自己的诗囊,第二句只是表现的是检点自己的诗文而一夜未眠的意思罢了。</p>
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<p>颔联表达的是平身的坦荡情怀 ,不入俗流。颈联虽是自谦,却着眼高远, <span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" AR-SA? mso-bidi-language: ZH-CN; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-ansi-language: 1.0pt; mso-font-kerning: Roman?; ?Times mso-bidi-font-family: mso-hansi-font-family: New? new=\"New\">缺的是青莲笔,<span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" AR-SA? mso-bidi-language: ZH-CN; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-ansi-language: 1.0pt; mso-font-kerning: Roman?; ?Times mso-bidi-font-family: mso-hansi-font-family: New? new=\"New\">恨的是无片字可昭传后世!也是实话!试想古今多少文人雅客,不入俗流,孤高傲世,真正能如李杜名垂青史者有几? 所以基调应该是没有什么落差的。</span></span></p>
<p><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" AR-SA? mso-bidi-language: ZH-CN; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-ansi-language: 1.0pt; mso-font-kerning: Roman?; ?Times mso-bidi-font-family: mso-hansi-font-family: New? new=\"New\"><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" AR-SA? mso-bidi-language: ZH-CN; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-ansi-language: 1.0pt; mso-font-kerning: Roman?; ?Times mso-bidi-font-family: mso-hansi-font-family: New? new=\"New\"></span></span> </p>
<p><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" AR-SA? mso-bidi-language: ZH-CN; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-ansi-language: 1.0pt; mso-font-kerning: Roman?; ?Times mso-bidi-font-family: mso-hansi-font-family: New? new=\"New\"><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" AR-SA? mso-bidi-language: ZH-CN; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-ansi-language: 1.0pt; mso-font-kerning: Roman?; ?Times mso-bidi-font-family: mso-hansi-font-family: New? new=\"New\">再次感谢点评!</span></span></p>
[此贴子已经被作者于2009-12-23 23:15:56编辑过]
作者: 任雨读 时间: 2009-12-24 00:44
<p>其二:</p>
<p>检点诗囊暗自憔,时光荏苒岁将凋</p>
<p>恨无一字能传世,空有清怀可动霄。</p>
<p>总笑红尘皆俗客,独于书舍著高标。</p>
<p>行文尚缺青莲笔,秉烛唏嘘又一宵。</p>
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<p>再来个版本</p>
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