七律【感冒吟】(十一真)

柳浪闻莺

<p><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" new="new" mso-hansi-font-family: roman?? ?Times roman?; new?>七律【感冒吟】(十一真)</span></p>
<p><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" new="new" mso-hansi-font-family: roman?? ?Times roman?; new?>头昏犹似鬼缠身，霜打娇花病美人。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt" XMLANG="EN-US"> </span></p>
<p><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" new="new" mso-hansi-font-family: roman?? ?Times roman?; new?>感冒方知真痛苦，作诗不再假呻吟。</span></p>
<p><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" new="new" mso-hansi-font-family: roman?? ?Times roman?; new?>泪珠眷顾风流眼，涕露青睐点绛唇。</span></p>
<p><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" new="new" mso-hansi-font-family: roman?? ?Times roman?; new?>怜你平时常富态，怯看镜里瘦嶙峋。</span></p>

[此贴子已经被作者于2011-1-19 11:25:24编辑过]

司马长风

<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">感冒亦可成诗，闻莺真可造之才也。“作诗不再假呻吟”甚好，作诗之“作”非矫揉造作，贵有真情实感。</font></p>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">首句“晕”为仄声，属去声[十三问]；中二联对稍不工，尾联“妒”字不妥，“妒”为他人，安有自妒之理？</font></p>

柳浪闻莺

<div class=\"quote\"><b>以下是引用<i>司马长风</i>在2011-1-18 23:01:52的发言：</b><br/>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">感冒亦可成诗，闻莺真可造之才也。“作诗不再假呻吟”甚好，作诗之“作”非矫揉造作，贵有真情实感。</font></p>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">首句“晕”为仄声，属去声[十三问]；中二联对稍不工，尾联“妒”字不妥，“妒”为他人，安有自妒之理？</font></p></div>
<p> 谢谢司马首版点评，问好！呵呵，按老师点评意见做了部分修改。</p>