[原创]七律 母亲节思亲

远浦归人

<p><font size="5"><font face="宋体" color="#000000"><strong><font size="5"><font face="宋体" color="#000000"><strong>每栽萱草忆慈颜，总向瑶台望眼穿。</strong></font></font></p>
<p><font size="5"><font face="宋体" color="#000000"><strong>苦雨潜声空落泪，凄风着意共含咽。</strong></font></font></p>
<p><font size="5"><font face="宋体" color="#000000"><strong>抱儿课读铭心记，舔犊承恩入梦牵。<br/>  最是娱亲堪慰处，三槐并茂已光前！<br/></p></strong></font></font></strong></font></font>

[此贴子已经被作者于2010-5-7 14:35:35编辑过]

司马长风

<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">情深语秀，且章法亦可。</font></p>
<p><font size=\"3\"><font color=\"#0000ff\">“咽”在此应为“哽咽”之意，应读<span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: \'Times New=\"New\"  Roman\'; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA\">y</span><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-font-family: \'Times New=\"New\"  Roman\'\">è仄声，咽喉之咽<span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: \'Times New=\"New\"  Roman\'; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA\">yi</span><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-font-family: \'Times New=\"New\"  Roman\'\">ā</span><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: \'Times New=\"New\"  Roman\'; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA\">n</span>方读平。</span></font></font></p>
<p><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-font-family: \'Times New=\"New\"  Roman\'\"><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">“娱亲”一般指亲人犹在世，如老莱之典，用于作古之人，似不妥。</font></span></p>

远浦归人

<div class=\"quote\"><b>以下是引用<i>司马长风</i>在2010-5-7 21:37:24的发言：</b><br/>
<p><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">情深语秀，且章法亦可。</font></p>
<p><font size=\"3\"><font color=\"#0000ff\">“咽”在此应为“哽咽”之意，应读<span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: \'Times new=\" AR-SA? mso-bidi-language: ZH-CN; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-ansi-language: 1.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 宋体; mso-fareast-font-family: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: Roman?; New?>y</span><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-font-family: \'Times new=\" New? Roman??>è仄声，咽喉之咽<span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: \'Times new=\" AR-SA? mso-bidi-language: ZH-CN; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-ansi-language: 1.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 宋体; mso-fareast-font-family: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: Roman?; New?>yi</span><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-font-family: \'Times new=\" New? Roman??>ā</span><span lang=\"EN-US\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: \'Times new=\" AR-SA? mso-bidi-language: ZH-CN; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-ansi-language: 1.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 宋体; mso-fareast-font-family: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: Roman?; New?>n</span>方读平。</span></font></font></p>
<p><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-font-family: \'Times new=\" New? Roman??><font color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">“娱亲”一般指亲人犹在世，如老莱之典，用于作古之人，似不妥。</font></span></p></div>
<p><font size=\"3\"><strong>谢首版点评，作改：</strong></font></p>
<p><font size=\"5\"><font face=\"宋体\" color=\"#000000\"><strong><font size=\"5\"><font face=\"宋体\" color=\"#000000\"><strong>每栽萱草忆慈颜，总向瑶台望眼穿。</strong></font></font></p>
<p><font size=\"5\"><font face=\"宋体\" color=\"#000000\"><strong>苦雨潜声添怅惘，凄风着意共缠绵。</strong></font></font></p>
<p><font size=\"5\"><font face=\"宋体\" color=\"#000000\"><strong>抱儿课读铭心记，舔犊承恩入梦牵。<br/>最是酬亲堪慰处，三槐并茂已光前！</strong></font></font></p>
<p><font size=\"5\"><font face=\"宋体\" color=\"#000000\"><strong><font size=\"3\">请再赐教！<br/></font></p></strong></font></font></strong></font></font>

司马长风

<font face=\"宋体\" color=\"#0000ff\" size=\"3\">“酬亲”二字佳，“缠绵”仍觉不甚妥。“盘旋”如何？有“徘徊”义，可切于“共”。</font>