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秋日???古六首

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发表于 2009-10-13 11:25:52 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
                       <font size="4">  秋日???古六首 </font>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr></span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"> <wbr>            <wbr></span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">?</font></span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"> <wbr></span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">嗣</font></span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"> <wbr></span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">唯</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> (一)</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 高阁原虚擢秀林, <wbr> <wbr>蜀山遥望气森森。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 东升</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">银</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">浪接霄汉, <wbr> <wbr>西去成皋俯地阴。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 古柏欲流千载泪, <wbr> <wbr>今人无祭老臣心。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 徒悲孝肃泣龙虎。 <wbr> <wbr>风啸城头动石砧。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> (二)</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 坝上西风落日斜, <wbr> <wbr></font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">难寻</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">古道旧人家。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 两淝南北流天涧, <wbr> <wbr>几</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">树</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">青黄浮木槎。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 千里舟帆留远客, <wbr> <wbr>五更鸡犬唱晨笳。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 萧萧月下轻襟冷, <wbr> <wbr>唯剩枝头八月花!</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> (三)</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 城皇</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">庙宇</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">映霞晖, <wbr> <wbr>钟鼓清寒上翠微。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 白日楼前人攘攘, <wbr> <wbr>前朝王榭燕飞飞。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 记名碑石沉荒土, <wbr> <wbr>向冢衣冠事尽归。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 回首汉家香火地, <wbr> <wbr>再无车马驻<span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''" times="" new=""><font face="宋体">?</font></span>帷。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr>  <wbr>(四)</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 怅</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">望东川暮草离, <wbr> <wbr>楚风瑟瑟动天悲。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 津桥尘绝雷声急, <wbr> <wbr>铁甲飞骑书羽驰。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 四海枭雄图霸业, <wbr> <wbr>一身孤胆退吴师。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 江山谁主王侯事, <wbr> <wbr>笑看烟云过钓池。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> (五)</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 西风卷地动京关, <wbr> <wbr>金鼓尘生厮马闲。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 空自拳拳为报死。 <wbr> <wbr>谁知草草解衣还。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 书遗北阙归程泪, <wbr> <wbr>剑锈南瀛望故山。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 千里长淮孤枕梦, <wbr> <wbr>何留青眼看朝班?</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> (六)</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 魏辕台下水东流, <wbr> <wbr>暮雨萧萧</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">草木秋。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 一壑中分沉紫气, <wbr> <wbr></font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">六</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体">桥横绝堕飞鸥。</font></span></p>
<p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 锦麾裂岸清江冷, <wbr> <wbr>铁马冤魂浊浪愁。</font></span></p>
<p><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: " mso-spacerun:="yes''"><font face="宋体"> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> <wbr> 拭鼎中原谁煮鹿? <wbr> <wbr>青山何处问王侯。</font></span></p>
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沙发
发表于 2009-10-13 21:54:05 | 只看该作者
我不是看不出悲凉,我是说那句,鸡犬唱与悲凉不合呀,唱悲凉?我是说用唱则悲凉的味道不足。
[此贴子已经被作者于2009-10-13 21:56:10编辑过]
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板凳
发表于 2009-10-13 21:57:48 | 只看该作者
怀古六首,有可赏之处。但整体感觉怀古的深度不够,自己的见解似乎也不多,有时为了对仗,措词显得生硬。细琢会更好些。问好楼主!
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地板
 楼主| 发表于 2009-10-13 11:58:20 | 只看该作者
<div class=\"quote\"><b>以下是引用<i>湘弦绝响</i>在2009-10-13 11:34:00的发言:</b><br/>
<p>推荐第二首写法。结构工稳,层次分明,转合有度。诗旨则非我所能,故不评。</p>
<p>两淝南北\"流\"天涧, <wbr> <wbr>几<span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: \" mso-spacerun:=\"yes\'\'\"><font face=\"宋体\">树</font></span><span style=\"FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: \" mso-spacerun:=\"yes\'\'\"><font face=\"宋体\">青黄\"浮\"木槎。---只是这两字希望锤炼一下更好。</font></span></p>
<div align=\"right\"><font color=\"#000066\">[此贴子已经被作者于2009-10-13 11:41:29编辑过]</font></div></div>
<p> </p>
<p>感谢阁下点评,两淝是流经合肥的“ 淝河”,分南淝河和北淝河 ,此动词非“流”字也别无佳选了,</p>
<p>后联动词 浮 字是为衬托春青秋黄的时光流逝,或许 浮 字更能体现过眼烟云的沧桑感,</p>
<p>握手。</p>
<p> </p>
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5#
发表于 2009-10-13 12:33:55 | 只看该作者
五更鸡犬<font color=\"#ff0000\">唱晨笳,</font><font color=\"#000000\">笳声悲凉,用唱则味不足也,可酌。个见,勿怪!</font>
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6#
 楼主| 发表于 2009-10-13 19:27:49 | 只看该作者
谢湘弦兄代言,道吾肺腑之言....
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7#
发表于 2009-10-14 06:45:56 | 只看该作者
效颦老杜秋兴。
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8#
发表于 2011-1-20 10:23:58 | 只看该作者
欣赏精品。
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