(原创)七律?《冬》

柳浪闻莺

   
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">         (</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New">原创</span><span lang="EN-US">)</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New">七律?《冬》</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New">           文</span><span lang="EN-US">/</span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New">闻莺</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New">霜娥昨夜画冬妆，雪衍云眉韵味长。</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New">万壑红枫迷菊眼，千村白玉断梅肠。</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New">山赊月兔三分色，江借梨花一脉香。</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: 'Times new=" Roman?? ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; New? new="New">我度春风应未远，杜鹃泣血唤斜阳。</span></p>

[此贴子已经被作者于2009-11-29 22:04:57编辑过]

一行白鹭

工稳流畅，堪称好律。颈联“断梅肠”可推，因为梅花欢喜漫天雪，何至于下雪而断肠？

柳浪闻莺

谢谢一行白鹭版主点评，我再修改一下。祝新周快乐！

诗酒当歌

<p><span style=\"FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times new=\" new=\"New\" New? Roman?; mso-hansi-font-family: ?Times Roman??>山赊月兔三分色，江借梨花一脉香。</span></p>
<p>佳联。</p>
<p>梅、菊、枫、梨、杜鹃。。感觉景物的铺陈稍显杂了点。</p>

柳浪闻莺

<div id=\"textstyle_3\" style=\"FONT-SIZE: 9pt; OVERFLOW: hidden; WORD-BREAK: break-all; TEXT-INDENT: 24px; WORD-WRAP: break-word\">谢谢诗酒当歌版主点评，意象是多了一点。我再修改一下。祝新周快乐！ </div>

柳浪闻莺

谢谢顽石，问好，祝周末快乐！

青山依旧

<p>不错，鼓掌一下。</p>
<p>意象确实多了一点，再斟酌斟酌？</p>

荷塘听雨

xinshang

一行白鹭

<font size=\"4\">黑夜流星，呵呵。</font>

柳浪闻莺

呵呵，我知道你是谁啦。问好！握手，嘻嘻